Iíd think, why do I feel the way I do? Why do I just want to be around him, to hear the sound of his voice? Heís just a man! How can he make me feel this way? I want him to touch me, but not like other men have touched me. I want to feel his hands on my face caressing my cheeks. I want to hear his words of love for me, but not like other men have spoken to me. Something holds me back from him, though. Whenever he seems to get too close to me I draw away in panic. He seems to want my soul. Can I give him that? Do I want to give him that? Yes, yes a thousand times yes! But how? How do I do that?
That night somehow I knew it was then or never. Jesus was at Simon the leperís house. I was not invited or welcome, but I went anyway. I took the only thing I had to offer him, a jar of costly perfume. A jar similar to this one, but filled with a rare fragrance. It was the only thing of value that I owned. I had been saving it as my insurance policy, for the time when I would grow old and no man would want me. It was my life savings, so to speak. I took it without hesitation and went into the house. Jesus was reclining at the table with about 30 other men. When I came in everyone except Jesus began to murmur about me. The owner of the house called for his servant to put me out. I heard words like sinner, unclean, prostitute. They were all like a knife to my soul because they were all true. For a moment I hesitated; I nearly turned around and fled. Maybe they were all right, maybe I should never have come here. Maybe this was the biggest mistake in my life of mistakes.
But then I saw his eyes looking at me, looking into me. I fell at his feet and sobbed. My tears came so fast I couldnít speak, but he knew my heart. His feet ran with my tears and the dust from the street. What could I do? I hadnít even thought to bring a towel. Just then my hair fell into my eyes, and I knew what to do. I wiped his feet with my hair. Still weeping I broke the jar of perfume and poured it on his feet. My life was in that jar until that moment. Now my life was in him! He lifted me to him and embraced me with his love. Then he told Simon that what I had done was right, better even than what Simon had done for him. He told me I was forgiven. The joy that flooded my soul I canít describe to you. I was free at last. Free to follow him without fear or shame. Free to trust him with my life, and I did.
Copyright John & Joanne Miller, all rights reserved.
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