Sonia: 'Ere Tracey you look all done in. Sit yourself down, take the weight off you brains.(Offers her a stool)
Tracey: Ta, Sonia. Youíre a gem. Iím just about fit to collapse. You should have seen the town. Itís a jungle out there.
Sonia: Do you fancy a drink? Looks like you need one.
Tracey: Thanks love. Make it a large one. My arms feel like theyíre gonna drop off.
Sonia: Well, I wasnít going to give it to you intra Venice, like , was I?
Tracey: Nah, I know that, I just meant these bags have made me arms about 3 foot longer. How I made it from the bus stop I canít say.
Sonia: Well itís only round the corner.
Tracey: Yeah I know, but itís me age, innit?
Sonia: Youíre only 32. Anyway whereís your Kev in all this? Whyís he not helping?
Tracey: Broke up, didnít we?
Sonia: Cor blimey, not again. You two have had more come backs than Frank Sinatra.
Tracey: Yeah, well itís for good now. He said I was taking him for granted.
Sonia: For grunted, more likely. All he ever did was slob out in front of the box on your sofa.
Tracey: Eh, watch it. I wonít have you talking about my Kevin like that.
Sonia: Well heís not, is he? You just said heís packed you in. Still at least you didnít have to get him a present. Looking at your bags heís the only one youíve not bought for. Iíve never seen so much stuff. Whatíd you get?
Tracey: Well Iím not telling you what youíve got. But Iíll give you a hint..... "Because you're worth it."
Sonia: Ooh Tracey you havenít? Not a Boots token? What else you got?
Tracey: Well you gotta get someone a yo-yo this year, havenít you?
Sonia: : Whoís that for then?
Tracey: : Your Trevor.
Sonia: But heís 34.
Tracey: Yeah I know but itís about the right mental age. And just in case his strength runs out, which it generally does, the yo yoís got its own little motor. I got him a Super Mario too - nearest youíre going to get to having a plumber fix your system - canít see your Trev getting around to it. ĎEre, I tell you what I have got thatís lovely - look at this (shows item of baby clothing) - what díyou think of that?
Sonia: Ooh Trace..itís so sweet..
Tracey: Itís for little Amber.
Sonia: I guessed it wasnít for Trevor.
Tracey: Sheís so sweet - sheíll look a treat in it on Christmas morning.
Sonia: Itís what itís all about, innit?
Tracey: Yeah, Christmas is for the children. (Sings) "When a child is born"
Sonia: Blimey, spare us, Tracey We donít want to empty the pub, do we?
Tracey: All right. Itís just Christmas makes me come over all gooey thinking about the little babies and all that.
Sonia: You wanna watch them kind of thoughts Trace.....Funny though, innit. All that Christmas is for the children milarky. You canít help thinking who thought that up.
Tracey: Some bloke from Woolies, I wouldnít be surprised so he could shift crate loads of toys.
Sonia: No ...thinking about it..
Tracey: Careful Sonia. Donít overstretch yerself. I know youíve got 6 E grades but it was a long time ago.
Sonia: Thereís no call for that. No thinking about it ..itís got to be to do with him, innit?
Sonia: (points upstairs)
Tracey: What, the landlord?
Sonia: Nah. Him. God , yer know.
Sonia: ĎCos he sent Jesus...the baby Jesus.
Sonia: Least thatís what they say. Me I think itís a lot of hogwash. I mean that Jesus, he didnít even exist did he? I mean itís all made up like a fairy tale.
Tracey: (Uncomfortable) Yeh ...I suppose so...itís just that..
Sonia: Well you know Vera Pleb?
Tracey: What, her from down packing in the blouse factory?
Sonia: Yeh, thatís the one. She says he did exist. Fact she says he still does.
Tracey: Get on. Whatís she mean? Whatís she talking about?
Sonia: I donít know rightly. Itís just she says that sheís met him.
© Andy Lund
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This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: firstname.lastname@example.org