Are We Lost?

By Joanne Miller


Two hikers with backpacks are lost in the woods, except only one knows it at first.  The second hiker believes he is in good hands following his friend.  As he realizes  they are hopelessly lost  a third hiker appears.  They are thrilled that someone can help them find their way to civilization.  Soon they come to understand that the third hiker is no help at all.


3 hikers with backpacks


Hiker 1: You were right, this is a beautiful trail, but shouldnít we be coming to the end soon?

Hiker 2: Donít worry weíre almost at the end.

Hiker 1: How much longer do you figure we have to go?

Hiker 2: Probably only 30 to 45 minutes.
Hiker 1: Do you think we could take a break right now?  Iím famished.

Hiker 2: Sure.  Good idea.

Hiker 1: Letís see what we have left in here.  (Pulls off backpack)  Thereís a banana, a baggie of pretzels, a bottle of water, and half a sandwich.  What have you got?

Hiker 2: Iíve got an apple, a bottle and a half of water, and some raisins.

Hiker 1: Maybe weíd better eat just a little and drink just a little for now.

Hiker 2: (Suddenly alarmed) Why?  I thought you said weíre only a little way from Jackson Crossing.

Hiker 1: We are, we are.  But when we get there they have a great restaurant where I thought we could have a big dinner.

Hiker 2: Oh, all right.  I guess Iíll just eat my apple then and have some of my water.

Hiker 1: Donít drink too much.

Hiker 2:  (Wary again) Why not?

Hiker 1: Because weíre not stopping at any McDonaldís until we reach Jackson Crossing.  (Laughs)
Hiker 2: Very funny.

Hiker 1: Seriously, though, donít drink too much.  You may get cramps after all this walking.

Hiker 2: Are we lost?

Hiker 1: No.  Definitely not.  I told you Iíve hiked this trail many times before.  As a matter of fact I even know a shortcut.  Letís pack up again and Iíll show you.

Hiker 2: O.K.  Iíll just eat my apple on the way.

Hiker 1: Sure.  Over this way for the shortcut.  Not only is this shorter but the view is spectacular.  (Stops so suddenly that Hiker 2 runs right into him)

Hiker 2: Hey, put your signal on when youíre going to stop so fast, will ya?

Hiker 1: (Stares down in horror) Step back nice and easy, my toes are hanging over the edge of a sheer cliff.

Hiker 2: O.K., Iím stepping back very carefully.

Hiker 1: (steps carefully back and sits down, shaking) Boy, that was a close call.  One more step and Iíd have been over the .

Hiker 2: (sits down too) Be honest with me.  You have no idea where we are, do you?

Hiker 1: No.

Hiker 2: How long have we been wandering around completely lost out here?

Hiker 1: Probably for the past 3 hours.

Hiker 2: Three hours???

Hiker 1: Hey, Iím sorry.  I thought I knew this trail like the back of my hand.

Hiker 2: I canít believe you didnít tell me when you knew we were lost!

Hiker 1: I didnít want to scare you.

Hiker 2: Well Iím plenty scared now!  We havenít seen even a hint of civilization for about 4 hours.   As a matter of fact, I think weíve been going around in circles.  That tree looks awful familiar.

Hiker 1: Thatís brilliant.  What makes one maple tree look any different from any other maple tree, except for size?

Hiker 2: OK., so maybe we havenít been going in circles, but even so weíre still very lost, arenít we?

Hiker 1: That depends.

Hiker 2: On what?

Hiker 1: On what you mean by ďvery lostĒ?

Hiker 2: Very funny.  Listen, get your compass out.  At least that way weíll know weíre going in one direction as we walk.

Hiker 1: I didnít bring my compass.

Hiker 2: You have got to be kidding!

Hiker 1: Iíve been over this trail so many times I thought I didnít need it because I (Hiker 2 finishes this sentence with Hiker 1) know it like the back of my hand.

Hiker 2: Well, what do you suggest we do now?

Hiker 1:  Letís see if we can find a creek to follow.  I thought I heard some water running a few minutes ago.  Thatís what Iíve been trying to find.  Maybe if we go back a short way and we both listen weíll be able to find it.

Hiker 2: I donít know how I let you talk me into this today!  What a way to spend your day off!

Hiker 1: Listen.  I think I hear something.

 (Hiker 3 enters.)

Hiker 3: Oh, hi.  Nice to see a couple of fellow nature enthusiasts.  Have you two been out here very long?

Hiker 2: (Sarcastically) Only for the last seven hours or so.

Hiker 3: Wow.  You must be in pretty good shape, if you hike that much.  Iíve only just begun hiking so Iím not ready for trips like that yet.

Hiker 2: Actually, we didnít intend to be out here that long.

Hiker 1: (Trying to save face) We just got caught up in all the beauty along the way.

Hiker 2: Yeah, something like that.

Hiker 3: Well, I have to be going.  Gotta keep moving, donít want to cramp up.  Nice talking to you.

Hiker 2: Hey, wait a minute.  We kind of got turned around out here.  Can you tell us how to get back to civilization?

Hiker 3: Sure.  You just follow the yellow brick road to the Emerald City.  (Hikers 1 & 2 stare after Hiker 3 as she skips off stage singing ďWeíre off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz)

Hiker 2: (Turning to Hiker 1) Weíre in real trouble here, arenít we?

Hiker 1: You said it, pal.
Copyright John & Joanne Miller, all rights reserved.
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