You're Not Too Late

By Glenn A. Hascall


This script can provide a humorous way to encourage couples to register for a church sponsored marriage retreat using famous and unfamiliar characters from Wonderland. Could also be modified to be a Valentine's Day script.


Alice: Quintessential Alice - play just like the Disney cartoon.
Mrs. Rabbit: Rough and tumble - Think Alice from Mel's Diner or someone from the Bronx - possibly Anne Oakley (Maybe a cowboy hat with rabbit ears).


MRS. RABBIT: I'm late, I'm late for a very important date. Oh me, oh my, oh hear me sigh (Audible sigh) - I'm late I'm late, I'm late!

ALICE: (Off stage or back of the room) Oh, Rabbit.

MRS. RABBIT: What, what, what? Who is it? Show yourself.

ALICE: (Makes her way to the stage) It's me, Alice.

MRS. RABBIT: I'm sorry, I don't know anyone named Alice - although my husband did come home and say something about a restraining order for someone named Alice. I guess she just wouldn't leave him alone, kept hollering, "Mr. Rabbit - Mr. Rabbit." ------ Now, if you don't mind, I'm late. (Tries to walk away)

ALICE: (grabs her arm) Oh, but I do mind.

MRS. RABBIT: Why did I know that was coming? Go ahead, what is it you want? - Let's see, for Kansas it's a few click of the heels…

ALICE: No, no, no, I just want to know why you and Mr. Rabbit are in such a hurry?

MRS. RABBIT: (Insincere) Look, I feel like we've got a connection going on here, Alice. Womano to womano. (Suddenly forthright) Ya see, me and the Mr aren't on the best of terms right now. I need him at home and he's off having tea with the Mad Hatter. I'm needing a little scrapbook time for the family - we're rather large ya know - and he's always got some excuse about the queen - (Shouts) "OFF WITH HIS HEAD."

ALICE: Oh dear, it can't be all that bad.

MRS. RABBIT: No, that's what the queen says - I'd just like him home every now and again - and is it too much to ask for flowers or at least a well-seasoned carrot? A girl gets hungry, ya know! I even bought him a nice pocket watch. Now if you don't mind - I'm late, I'm late, for a very important…

ALICE: (Interrupts) Why are you late?

MRS. RABBIT: Well, mostly because some impish girl keeps asking me why I'm late.

ALICE: (Contemplative) I see. Nothing more frustrating than a chatterbox. That must just be awful. Do you know this girl?

MRS. RABBIT: (Duh factor here) You might say that?

ALICE: So what are you late for?

MRS. RABBIT: There's a marriage retreat coming up. (fill in details.) I want to go, but I need to get registered.

ALICE: Well, why didn't you say so?

MRS. RABBIT: Mostly because I felt like I was in interrogation room D and you were playing good cop/bad cop. Now can I go?

ALICE: Certainly you can go, but you must register first. (Slight chuckle) You can't very well go to a marriage retreat without registering. ---- Give Mr. Rabbit my regards. (Starts to wander off) Now where did Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dum get off to?

MRS. RABBIT: (A bit disgusted) And a very merry unbirthday to you. (Checks watch) I've still got time to register (Looks out at the audience) and so have you.


Copyright 2006 Glenn A. Hascall. Should you use this script would you be so kind as to let us know of its use? glenn.hascall<a>