Now when I say this is my most greatest invention, there will be peoples
amongst you who say, "How can this be? This is a great scientist..." -
not a mad scientist you know that, huh? Just very excitable, hee hee hee
- "ja, great scientist and we have seen him produce many great inventions,
like the truth detector, which looked like a frog, and his time travel
kit, which also looked like a frog, and how can he do an invention greater
than those?" Well, I say to those peoples, well, I show you.
You see, as scientist I have great desire to help my fellow humans live their lives, even though they ridicule me and they cast me out from my respectable position as university lecturer and they call me such terrible names, but I can prove I am not a mad scientist as they say, because I am not going to the maad scientists' convention. Ha, ha, ha, very simple. But where was I? (Retraces steps and movements) Oh yes, my great desire to improve life for peoples of the world. And for all peoples of the world, there is one enemy in common and he is gentleman of the name of Death. And I'm going to beat him, or my name's not ... whatever. You see, what I do with my invention is... but where is it? Igor, bring in the Life Booster!
(Igor enters, carrying the Life Booster and a bag or box containing its ingredients.)
Igor: Here it is master, your new invention.
Mad Scientist: You didn't say hello to the frog.
Igor: Hello, frog.
Mad Scientist: Hello, Igor. (To audience) That was not really the frog talking, that was me! But why did you take so long? You are so slow, Igor!
Igor: Very true, master. When we go to Mad Scientist conventions you always say I'm the slowest hunchback there.
Mad Scientist: Iíve just told the peoples I don't go to Mad Scientist conventions.
Igor: Oh yes, you got sick of them, didn't you?
Mad Scientist: Yes, I mean, no, I never go.
Igor: (not listening) Everyone just standing around practising saying, "I have you this time, Mr. Bond."
Mad Scientist: That is enough! Igor, we show the peoples my great invention.
Igor: But it's not finished yet, master.
Mad Scientist: Oh yes. Hee hee hee. My apologies, peoples, is nearly finished, but not quite. Please to be patient one moment longer. Now Igor, we have all the parts, all the ingredients, ja?
Igor: Here's everything, master.
Mad Scientist: It was a very brilliant scientific breakthrough on my part, when I realised how to make my Life Booster. You see there are many things in the world that are good for your health, and all that was needed was to combine them in such a way that they blended together into something that's perfect for you. Well actually for me - I try it first. I'm willing to be the guinea pig; trying strange chemicals has never affected me.So we have gathered together here all we are needing. The first step is to mix them together. So here we go, lots of fruits and vegetables; (Igor adds each of these ingredients from his bag into the machine as MS calls them out) Vitamin A, B, C, uh and the rest of the alphabet; Coca-cola - adds life, ja?; holiday on a tropical island - here's photo of me and Froggy in Fiji; and lots of spending money. Right, Igor, shut the hatch, and press the start button.
Igor: Okay master. Now what happens?
Mad Scientist: Then very soon we will have the Life Booster, and there will be no more death for me.
Igor: Only for you, master?
Mad Scientist: Yes, Igor. It was a photo of me; it's uniquely designed for me this time. We can make it for other peoples later.
Igor: It's doing something, master!
Mad Scientist: Yes, first of all it's calculating the length of time needed to complete the job. When it prints out the answer to that calculation please to give it to me. Soon it will be complete. I shall have the solution to the problem of Death and shall live forever ....
Igor: (handing piece of paper) Here you are, master.
Mad Scientist: .... when this is finished in only (looks at paper) 243 years.
(Both pause. It takes a while to sink in.)
Igor: Pack your bags, master?
Mad Scientist: Letís go to the convention, Igor.
© Greg Brook (Dunedin City Baptist) April 2000
All rights reserved
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