Bills, bills, bills

By Joanne Miller


Jo and Lisa are submerged in bills. A fairy godfather grants them a wish for more money, but it comes at a price.


Harry Godfather - dressed in shorts, t-shirt and ball cap with a cigar, wrench and wings.


Joe: (Using a calculator) Bills, bills, bills!  I give up!  No matter how I figure it, we donít have enough money to cover them all!
Lisa: What we need is a fairy godmother!
(Harry jumps in from a chair hidden behind the curtain.)
Harry: You called?
Lisa: (Startled) Who are you?
Harry: Iím Harry Godfather.
Joe: My fairy godfather?
Harry: Hey, watch it, Bub.  The nameís Harry, Harry Godfather.
Lisa: Really?  Youíre a real godfather?
Harry: How many people do you know who walk around with wings? (Turns to display wings.)
Joe: None, until now.
Harry: Ok, so whatís your wish?
Lisa: One wish?  Thatís all?
Harry: Thatís all.
Joe: What happened to the traditional 3 wishes?
Harry: Budget cutbacks.  Now, are you going to make a wish or not?
Joe: Yes, yes.  Of course, Iím going to make a wish!
Harry: Well, letís get on with it.  Iím going to the game tonight so I donít have much time.
Lisa: Joe, how about a new car?
Harry: What color?
Joe: No, wait.  I didnít wish yet.  Weíre just thinking out loud.
Harry: Could you think a little faster, Bub?
Lisa: How about a new house?
Harry: What neighborhood?
Joe: No, no.  Thatís not my wish.  Wait a second.
Harry: Come on, come on.
Joe: Iíve got it!  I wish for my salary to be doubled.
Lisa: Yes!  Thatís it!
Harry: OK.  All I have to do is wave my magic wrench andÖ
Joe: Magic wrench?
Harry: You were expecting a magic wand?
Lisa: Well, yeah!
Harry: Forget it!  Now I have to say the magic word: Craftsman.
Joe: Craftsman?
Harry: Hey, Bub, do I tell you how to do your job?
Joe: Well, noÖ
Harry: Ok your wish is granted.  Your next paycheck and every one thereafter will be doubled.
Joe& Lisa: Great!  Thank you so much.
Harry: Now for the fine print.
Joe: Fine print?
Harry: There are a couple of conditions.  First of all, you cannot call on me again for at least 5 years.  Second, you and your wife are not allowed to have any chocolate for 24 hours, starting now.
Joe: No problem.  We can do that.
Lisa: No problem at all!
Harry: Great.  See you around, Bub.
Joe: Thanks, Harry.  (Harry exits.)
Lisa: Yes, thank you, Harry.  Letís get this candy out of sight!  (Joe gets a plastic bag and starts to dump all the chocolate from candy dishes around the room into the bag.)
Joe: This is great!  Our money troubles are over!
Lisa: I canít believe it!  Itís like a dream come true!
Joe: Iíll say!  What are you going to do now?
Lisa: Iím going up to bed so tomorrow can come sooner.
Joe: Me, too.  I just have to get the paper.  I left it in the car.  Iíll be right up.
Lisa: OK.
(Both exit.  Both attempt to sneak back in.)
Lisa: Joe!
Joe: Lisa!
Lisa: Just one little bite.  Heíll never know!
Joe: Ok.  Quick.  (He digs into the bag and they both eat some chocolate.)  Mmm.
Lisa: Oh, itís so good!
(Harry jumps back into the room.)
Harry:  Aha!  Caught in the act!  I win!
Joe: Win what?
Harry:  I had a side bet with Bo Peep.  I bet her that you two wouldnít last one hour without eating some chocolate.
Lisa: How did you know weíd eat some?
Harry: Simple. Those bills?
Joe: What about the bills?
Harry: If you had any self-control you wouldnít have all those bills.  (Lisa and Joe shrug to each other and take some more candy.)
(Lights out.)


© Joanne Miller, all rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any
entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what
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