God the Matchmaker

By Warren Judkins


Adam and Eve had it easy. Finding the right partner these days can be very difficult.



Narrator: Once upon a time, God created Adam (Pause)... and God created Eve. When Adam saw Eve, he said...

Adam: (Gruntily) WOW, man!

Narrator: ...which has been adopted into the English language as "woman".

Adam: Woman! Yeah!

Narrator: As it happens, Adam fell head over heels in love with Eve (Adam takes out comb and does his hair), and decided to try to attract her attention.

Adam: (Goes over to Eve. Clears throat). Ah... Gidday, Miss. My name's Adam.

Eve: (Femininely) Hi, Adam. I'm Eve.

Adam: Oh, pleased to meet you, Eve. You sure are looking beautiful today.

Eve: Thank you, Adam.

Adam: In fact, I can safely say that you're the prettiest lady I've ever met.

Eve: (Coy) Oh, go on. I bet you say that to all the... On second thoughts, maybe you don't.

Adam: Eve, I think the time has come for me to be frank.

Eve: Yes?

Adam: Eve... (Pause) Will you marry me?

Eve: (elated) Oh, Adam, do you really mean it?

Adam: Yes, my dear, I do.

Eve: (throws herself at Adam, who gives a smug look at audience) Then, yes, of course I will. (Adam gives thumbs up.)

Narrator: And that was that. God wanted them together, so together they went.

(Enter Tony, carrying some half-dead flowers.)

Tony: (Anguished) But it's not as easy as all that!! (Adam and Eve exit arm in arm) I mean, for starters, Eve said yes (looks sadly at flowers, then throws them towards audience.) And secondly, he didn't exactly have a hard job choosing, did he?

Narrator: Hi there, Tony.

Tony: (glum) Hi...

Narrator: How's your day been?

Tony: Lousy. How's yours.

Narrator: Pretty bad. Got conned into narrating this drama.

Tony: (sympathetic) Oh, I see.

Narrator: What's hassling you?

Tony: Well...it's like this. I've had my eye on this girl for ages now. Christine, you know her? (Narrator nods) Gorgeous, eh. Real gentle and all. So I've been around to see her a few times, and just when I get up my courage to ask her out, I turn up and there's her and Paul, arm-in-arm, off to goodness knows where.

Narrator: Oh no!. What a blow, eh.

Tony: You're telling me.

Narrator: Paul, eh!?

Tony: Yeah, the miserable thing.

Narrator: Much in all as I hate to say it, they'll probably go well together.

Tony: (sarcastic) Thanks a million.

Narrator: Sorry, sorry.

Tony: (sigh) You're probably right, though. (Pause) But where does that leave me?

Narrator: Available.

Tony: Available!? Oh yeah. Wait around for half my life...

Narrator: You ARE allowed to carry on living while you wait. In fact, that's what you're supposed to be doing.

Tony: Huh?

Narrator: What's that verse? Ah...'seek his' - that's God's - 'kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.'

Tony: All right, Mr Scholar, what's that supposed to mean?

Narrator: It means, instead of spending all your effort trying to win fair Christine's hand, much 'n all as she's a very attractive young lady...

Tony: Yeah, yeah.

Narrator: .... spend your energy obeying God, and He'll supply the romance.

Tony: God supply romance?

Narrator: He's the best matchmaker I know. There's a catch, though.

Tony: What's that?

Narrator: He might keep you single.

Tony: GREAT.

Narrator: Oh, sorry - I'd forgotten you've had a rotten day.

Tony: Hey, what about the drama?

Narrator: Whoops! Better get on with it quick. You want to sit in on the rest of it?

Tony: May as well.

Narrator: Okay, take a seat...

(Tony and Narrator move to background. Enter Sarah, as into her room. Carries jacket, which she throws down.)

Sarah: (Soliloquy) It's me, Lord. It's about Nick. Lord, I really love this guy. I don't know if he's what you want, but I thought he was... I thought he was. (Pause) Now, whenever we're together we just sit and make conversation, because I can't bear not communicating like we always used to. Seemed it was pure magic - but the magic's gone. What does it mean, Lord? I'm so unsure.
I had so much hope for our lives together. I thought it would always be Nick and me. But now we're just a shell of what we were. (Pause) I've put so much into him...my dreams, my energy (pause), my love. How can you ask me to pull them all back and try to start again?
(With rising hope) Or, is this just one of those deserts that's part of life, that we all have to live through? And, will we come out stronger together for it? (Droop) I don't know. If I start to hope for us again, the pain of reality is just too much, and I die inside.
What are you saying, Lord? I need to hear you - this insecurity leaves me paralysed. (Pause, quite strong) Yet, I trust you... (Pause, picks up jacket and exits thoughtfully).

(Tony and Narrator stand, a bit subdued.)

Tony: I didn't know things were that bad with Sarah.

Narrator: I guess we all have our own private agonies that no-one ever sees.

Tony: Tell me about it. Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever fall in love with me.

Narrator: Do you? Know the feeling. One thing's for sure, though.

Tony: What's that?

Narrator: When they do, that won't be the end of your problems.

Tony: You really know how to cheer a guy up, don't you.

Narrator: Sorry, Tony.

(Enter girls, laughing among themselves)

Narrator: Oh, flip, I've forgotten the drama again. Quick - duck in here.

(Tony and Narrator move inconspicuously to the rear of the stage. Jenny, Jessica and Heather have entered, giggling and chatting after a Bible study)

Jessica: That's another Bible study over for the week.

Heather: (scandalously) Yeah, didn't see Paul or Christine anywhere.

Jen: (thoughtfully) No... Sarah looked a bit down tonight, don't you think?

Heather: Yes, she hasn't been herself all week.

Jen: Mmm, maybe I should give her a call.

Heather: I wonder what the matter was...

Jess: (cutting in) Hey, can either of you remember that memory verse?

Jen: Something about trust...

Jess: (remembering) Trust in the Lord with all your heart....

Jen: (chiming in) Never rely on what you think you know...

Jess: In all your ways acknowledge him...

Jess & Jen: ...and he will direct your paths!

(Heather has been distracted through this little episode, obviously thinking about something else.)

Jess: What's on your mind?

Heather: Yeah...um...well...I wasn't going to tell anyone this, but .... you know how we were talking tonight about God's will for partners...

Jess & Jen: Yeah... (etc)

Heather: I've been sort of noticing this guy...

Jess: (not very sympathetic) Who is it this time?

Heather: No, I'm serious. While we were praying tonight, I really felt God was smiling about it.

Jess: Laughing, most probably.

Heather: No Jess, I really mean it. I really feel as if God's given me the green light this time.

Jess: (not really interested). Hey, I think it's time we were going. (As exiting) Coming, Jenny?

Heather: Looks like I've made a fool of myself this time.

Jen: No you haven't. But tell me, who is it?

Heather: No way, that's private!

Jen: Oh come on, you are dying to tell me.

Heather: You're right! Promise you won't tell anyone?

Jen: I promise.

Heather: (with a little suspense) Tony.

(Tony falls off his chair, startled. Jenny and Heather exchange knowing looks and exit quickly, conversing in low tones.)

Narrator: Well, that's the drama over. I'm off. Coming, Tony?

Tony: Did you hear that?

Narrator: What?

Tony: (pointing offstage) Heather!!

Narrator: Oh yeah, nice touch, don't you think? "Trust in the Lord," and all that? (smiles) See ya. (exits)

Tony: (a bit dazed) Yeah...see ya. (muses) Heather. (Brightens) Heather! (retrieves the flowers and dusts them off, then exits with purpose, calling after her) Ah, Heather.....


Warren Judkins
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged.
In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed.
He may be contacted at: jd@middleton.school.nz