The Perfect Partner

By Simon & Sue Kingham


An amusing look at two guys discussing the search for the ‘perfect’ partner.



1: So, how is the lovely Sharon?

2: Who

1: You know, your girlfriend, Sharon, her with the nice buns.

2: You mean Sharon who works at the bakers. I stopped going out with her nearly a week ago, I've been out with Cindy and Candy since then.

1: Two girlfriends in a week.

2: Yea, it was just a quiet week, but I'm not going with them now.

1: So, who are you going out with now?

2: No-one.

1: Get away, you with no girlfriend, I don't believe it.

2: It's not funny, I'm quite depressed about it actually.

1: I'm sorry mate. I've got an idea, let's look in the lonely hearts section of the paper.

2: Worth a try, I suppose.

1: Here we are - 20 years old, attractive, sleek, sporty, goes well.

2: Wahey

1: Wait a minute ... good runner, only 20,000 miles on the clock... sorry mate, this is the wrong section.

2: Oh mate.

1: Let's try again, here we go - 28, Eastern European.

2: Sounds good, I quite fancy an exotic continental chick.

1: Tall, strong.

2: Wahey.

1: Athletic.

2: Yes sir, I like em sporty.

1: Well travelled.

2: Travel's good.

1: Likes eating out or in or anywhere, likes all sports especially shot putting, discus, and power lifting, for further details contact the Bulgarian Directorate for Sport.

2: Hold on, I don't want one of those East German sports women, get serious.

1: Sorry.

2: It's not funny.

1: Don't worry, you'll find a nice girl, just give it time.

2: Time, I haven't got time, I've never been on my own before.

1: So what do you want in a girlfriend?

2: I want a nice, steady, long, loving relationship like I had with Heather.

1: How long did you go out with her?

2: Nearly 3 weeks.

1: Why did it end?

2: You can't stay with one person too long.

1: You haven't got a hope.

2: All I want is a nice girlfriend.

1: So tell me what you want, what you really really want?

2: I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want?

1: (pause) So tell me what you want, what you really really want?

2: I want a cig, I want a cig, I wanta cig cigar (pulls out cigar)

1: What?

2: I want a really nice girl.

1: And what would your ideal girl be?

2: I don't ask for much... tall, blond, attractive, nice personality, caring, not too talkative, good at cooking, athletic, intelligent, well spoken, sensitive, reliable, hard working, sophisticated, charming, ......

1: Calm down mate, "I don't ask for much" (mocking)

2: You asked.

1: You should go on Blind Date

2: That's not a bad idea.

1: I was joking.

2: It's a good idea, some nice looking girls on that programme.

1: It's so false, just a load of fake questions, loaded answers, and the person chosen is always some weirdo with loud trousers and a goatie beard.

2: It's not that bad.

1: So how do you find your girlfriends normally then?

2: I set up this scoring system, right? Marks for general looks, length of legs, hair colour, sporting ability... stuff like that.

1: What about the sax.

2: Phouew, oh yea, course that's important.

1: No, sax, saxophone, Sharon and that other girl both played didn't they.

2: Funny you should say that. I misheard both of them on the first date, I thought they said they were great at .. (interrupted)

1: Thanks, I get the picture. And what about love.

2: What!?

1: Love, you know, that thing where two people really like each other.

2: I don't really know about that.

1: So it's just the person with the best score.

2: Pretty much, so I suppose your girlfriend's perfect?

1: She does alright, but no-one's ever been perfect, or have they?


© Copyright Simon & Sue Kingham. All rights reserved.
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