Promises, Promises

by Joanne Miller


A couple is writing their resolutions for the coming year.  He reads hers first and discovers she has made hers a bit more realistic this year.  She reads his to discover that his resolutions are all things he enjoys doing anyway.   He figures why not make resolutions you know you can keep.




Jan: Are you finished?

Ted: Just about.  How about you?

Jan: Iím done.  Let me read yours first.

Ted: No way.  You read mine first last year.  Itís my turn this year.

Jan: Yeah, right.  You really remember who read first last year.

Ted: I do!  Come on; give me your list of New Yearís Resolutions.

Jan: OK, but no laughing.

Ted: #1. I resolve to lose 10 lbs.  Wait a minute, didnít you resolve to lose 15 pounds last year?

Jan: Yeah.  So?

Ted: Did you lose 15 pounds last year?

Jan: (Slowly, defensively) No.  Thatís why I put down 10 pounds this year.  Iím trying to give myself a realistic goal.

Ted: I see.  #2.  I resolve to get up on the third snooze setting of the alarm clock.  Oh, so this one is more realistic, too.  Youíre only going to hit snooze twice before you get up; is that it?

Jan: You know very well that I canít get up on the first ring.  I figure 3 is a pretty good number.  At least it would be better than my usual 5 or 6.

Ted: Thatís true.  #3.  I resolve to walk for at least 15 minutes twice a week.  Thatís not really enough to do you much good you know.

Jan: I know, but I figured I might be able to do that.  If nothing else I could always walk on the weekends if I donít make it during the week.  It gets dark so early this time of the year.

Ted: Last year you were going to walk ½ an hour every day.

Jan: I know.  Thatís why I changed it; so this year maybe I can actually accomplish what I write down, not only that but maybe Iíll even exceed my goals.

Ted: That would be good.  And last but not least we have resolution #4.  I resolve to read my bible for 5 minutes every day.  Thatís great.  At that rate you should get through the bible from cover to cover in only 4 and 1/2 years.

Jan: Very funny.  Iím keeping it simple this year because I donít want to fail at it again.  Now letís see your list.

Ted: Before I let you see it I want you to know that I was thinking along the same lines as you.  I really want to be able to keep my resolutions this year so Iíve made a few adjustments too.

Jan: Letís see.

Ted: No laughing!

Jan: #1.  I resolve to watch at least one football game per weekend during the season.  What kind of a resolution is that?

Ted: I told you; itís one I can keep.  Hey, this past football season I had a hard time getting in all the games I wanted to watch.

Jan: Oh really?  You could have fooled me.  You didnít even miss the game on our anniversary!

Ted: You know very well that was an extremely important game or I wouldnít have watched it that day.

Jan: Sure!  Resolution #2 .  I resolve to take a nap every Saturday at noon.  Youíve got to be kidding.

Ted: They say naps are good for you, and since my boss gets a bit testy when I take one at work I figured Saturday was my best bet.

Jan: Youíre making a resolution to take a nap? (Incredulously)

Ted: Thatís right.  Youíre resolving to walk because somebody says thatís good for your health.  Well, Iím going to take a nap for the same reason.  Whatís the difference?

Jan: (Shaking her head) And #3.  I resolve to eat at least one hot fudge sundae every week!

Ted: Yeah, well that one may not be good for me, but Iím pretty sure I can keep that resolution.

Jan: Ted, a resolution is supposed to be something thatís good for you and makes you a better person.

Ted: Well, a hot fudge sundae every week will make me a better person.

Jan: How do you figure?

Ted: Iíll be so happy that Iíll be nicer to everybody else.

Jan: You canít be serious about these as your resolutions.  Come on now, tell me what you really are going to do this coming year.

Ted: Look, Jan, for the past 10 years Iíve made resolutions I havenít even come close to keeping.  This year Iím going to succeed Ė NO MATTER WHAT!

Lights out.
Copyright John & Joanne Miller, all rights reserved.
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