By Mike Orlowski
Two game show contestants vie to see who is the best prepared for Y2K.
Announcer: Voice only
Gamin Playin: game show host
Jim Jaylor: (Tim Tooltime Taylor clone)
Gil Bates: computer geke
Announcer: Good morning, and welcome to "What's Your Plan?" the game show that asks the question: "Are you ready for the Y2K?" Now let's introduce our host of "What's Your Plan?" Gamin Playin!
Gamin: Thank you! I'm Gamin Playin, and of course you all know who you are. Let's meet our contestants for today's show!
Announcer: Right, Gamin. Our first contestant comes to us from (a town nearby). He likes to work on home projects in his spare time and feels he has all of his bases covered for the impending Y2K problems. Please welcome Jim Jaylor!
Jim: (smiling) Thanks! It is truly a privilege to be here today!
Announcer: And now, welcome our second contestant from (a town nearby). He is a computer genius who spends most of his time writing and designing software programs. Let's hear it for Gil Bates!
Gil: (deadpan with a weak wave) Hello.
Gamin: A big welcome to you both! I hope you are both ready to play "What's Your Plan?" We'll be giving you scenarios which could possibly happen as a result of computer program viruses caused by the year 2000 changeover, and you will have to give the correct solution for that problem. The winner receives a great Y2K prize! And let's hear what that prize is!
Announcer: The winning contestant today will win: A BEAUTIFUL NEW LUXURY FALLOUT SHELTER! That's right! A comfy 2000 square foot bunker built by Toxic Concepts will be delivered to your home just in time for the impending worldwide chaos. It comes complete with all the amenities of your home plus 10 foot concrete walls with lead lining to keep out all the undesirables and a state of the art electronic locking system to keep out your mooching neighbors!
Gamin: Wow! What a great prize for the winner today. Well let's get started with our first scenario. Are you ready, Jim?
Jim: I'm ready, Gamin!
Gamin: OK. Here it is. It's New Years Eve, 1999. You've got the TV on getting ready for the ball to drop! You've just put some popcorn in the microwave, when all of a sudden the power goes out! What's your plan, Jim?
Jim: That's an easy one Gamin. I've got a Grinfort 4000EX power diesel generator with auto-start. I also got a 2000-gallon diesel tank buried in the backyard and it's full. Once that baby fires up, I'll have enough electricity to run a factory for a month! (makes "the sound")
Gamin: Great answer, Jim! The judges have awarded you 200 points! OK Gil! You've got the next scenario. Are you ready?
Gil: Go ahead, Playin.
Gamin: This is your scenario, Gil. It's midnight, December 31, 1999. You're on a 757 heading for London England and the jet is directly over the Atlantic ocean. Suddenly, all the engines stop and your plane begins quickly to fall. What's your plan, Gil?
Gil: Funny you should give me this scenario, Gamin. I've just completed a flight systems backup software program and since I carry my laptop at all times, I'd simply plug it into the communications port in my seat with a special transducer I've invented. With a couple of simple mouse clicks, I'll be able to reactivate the ship's navigational equipment and the pilot will again be able to start the engines in plenty of time to keep us from crashing.
Gamin: Excellent plan, Gil. You're a tough guy to stump. The judges have also awarded you the maximum 200 pts. This means that the score is tied 200 pts for each contestant. We'll have to go to our tie breaker question. Remember, each contestant will have an opportunity to answer our tiebreaker. The best answer in our judges' opinion will win the grand prize fallout shelter. OK, here goes! Again, gentlemen, it's 5 minutes to midnight, December 31, 1999. Your wife tells you that she has just run out of baby formula and you'll have to run out and get some. You reach in your pocket and discover you have no cash and your wife informs you that she also is broke. The child must have formula or he will starve. You go to the MAC machine, only to discover that the Y2K bug has infiltrated the banking systems and there is no money in your account! What is your plan, Jim?
Jim: Another simple problem, Gamin! I've been preparing for this one too! In fact, Ill be wearing my Grinfort handy pocket underwear. (ARR, ARR!) That little honey can hold up to $15000 in cash and gold nuggets without anyone knowing where it is! I'll have money enough to handle any emergency!
Gamin: That answer will be tough to beat, Jim. Looks like you've got a big assignment, Gil!
Gil: Not really, Gamin. My program, MAC Hacker, can break the code of any money access center. I'll simply plug in my hand held computer. It will instantly open the machine to allow me to take as much cash as I need! In addition, my software, Easy Exchange has been automatically cashing in my stock and purchasing platinum. I have arranged via the Internet, to have it all delivered to my home on December 26th.
Gamin: The judges are indicating that you both have earned 200 pts and are still tied! Ladies and gentlemen, this is a first on "What's your Plan?" However, we do have a question prepared for such a tie. This is our ultimate tie breaker question! Are you both ready?
Jim: Nothing will stump me, Gamin! (ARRRR!)
Gil: I'm sure I've covered all the bases, Playin.
Gamin: OK! Here is our ultimate tie breaker question! It's midnight, December 31, 1999. All the lights on your block go out. The entire neighborhood as far as you can see is totally pitch black. Everything has suddenly become completely silent. Gradually a light begins to shine in the sky. You look up and you see the clouds parting and the light gets brighter and brighter until you can no longer look at it. As you continue to try to see what is causing the light you realize there is a figure in the middle of the light. You suddenly know! It is Jesus Christ coming in a cloud of glory, just as He said. He is coming to separate His own children from those who have not received His free gift. What's your plan? You first this time Gil.
Gil: I'll just activate my battery operated universal translating synthesizer, Gamin. It's tied into a 190-gig mainframe that that uses a 100-foot diameter-tracking dish. With that, I'll be able to communicate with the celestial being and convince him that he could use my superior computer knowledge. He will then invite me to come with Him.
Gamin: And you, Jim?
Jim: Well, Gamin, since I'll be the only person on the block who has lights because of my Grinfort generator, He'll be drawn to my house. I'll invite him to stay in my warm house and have a cold one with me. Once I get him watching football reruns on my new Grinfort 60 inch widescreen (ARR, ARR, ARR!) with surround sound, we'll be best buds!
Gamin: The judges have made their decision and they are indicated that ... Oh no! I'm sorry gentleman, it seems that neither of you has come up with the right plan. You both have planned well for the physical, but have not prepared spiritually. I'm afraid you both lose! Well, that's all for today! This is Gamin Playin asking, "What's Your Plan?" Good bye everybody! (Lights down)
Announcer: And (Jesus) told them this parable: The ground of a certain man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, 'What will I do? I have no place to store my crops.' Then he said, 'This is what I will do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink, and be merry."' But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?' This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself, but is not rich toward God."
© Mike Orlowski 1999
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