First and Ten
By Walt Scheiman
Two friends are at a football game on a Sunday morning discussing their
friend who would rather be at church.
Heavily dressed for winter
(Setting: Two seats at a football game. Play starts with both seated.)
1--Think weíll come back?
2--Sure weíre only down by 35 and there is almost a whole quarter to
1--Yeah, we got um just where we want Ďem! (pointing) Hey look
there goes another one.
2--(looking) What is that about 12?
1--13, I think.
2--Why would those guys leave their shirts off for that long in weather
like this? It must be 25 below.
1--Really, even we kept ours off for a quarter.
Together--(both stand and point off to one direction and yell) FIRST
DOWN! (give each other high five)
1-- Hey there goes another one (pointing)
2--Ya know that one might be permanent. Poor guy.
1--Yeah. (pause) Hey if one of those other guys go maybe we can
upgrade to their seats next year.
2--You might have something there. (they look at each other)
Together--(yelling) Come on, donít put your shirt back on.
What? You afraid of a little cold?
1--(pointing) He fell for it!
2--YES! 14 yard line here we come!
1--(pause) So what was Martinís excuse today?
2--Oh, same as always (mocking) ďI gotta go to churchĒ. Pastor
Bob has really gotten him. He really has changed.
1--He sure has. I canít remember the last time he came to a game.
(both stand up and simulate the ďwaveĒ)
2--He even asked me if I wanted to buy the rest of his tickets.
1--What did you say?
2--I told him that I wouldnít help him make such a big mistake.
Someday heíll come to his senses and then heíll thank me.
1--Youíre a good friend. But, ya know, Iím thinking he just may
not be worth it.
2--How do ya mean?
1--Well, you know that Iím a good Christian, right?
2--Well sure you are!
1--And I know you are.
1--But all Martin wants to do is talk about Jesus. To be honest with
you I think heís kinda possessed..
2--I hear ya. And then he had the nerve to say he would rather
worship Jesus instead of worshipping the things we worship.
Together--OHHHHHHH YES, WHAT A PLAY! (both stand with arms over
heads and bow down repeatedly)
1--(sitting) What do you think he meant by that?
2--I havenít the slightest idea. He also says that he likes spending
more time with his family now.
1--Oh like we donít. Just the other day I was talking to my kid,
I says ďTommy . . .
2--Your son's name is Johnny.
1--Oh, right. I says, ďJohnny someday Iíll take you to a gameĒ.
2--You mean a pro game?
1--Oh no, a high school game. But Iíll still be spending time
with him. Wonít I?
2--I just have one thing to say to you, mister.
2--Youíre a good dad!
2--Youíre welcome. But Martin, how can he call himself a good
father when he drags his kids to church every Sunday morning even during
football season. And I donít know how his wife can stand him.
1--Really, I know my wife would hate it if I paid that much attention
to her. Ya know he buys her flowers?
2--Yeah, I heard. He doesnít even watch the away games anymore!
2--Thatís what Iím told. You canít talk to him about it.
Itís all God, God, God to Martin these days.
1--That guy sure has his priorities screwed up!
2--He sure does.
1--Iím glad we are normal.
2--(yelling at field) Holding? Are you nuts? Iím
going to remember you mister. I got your number. Iíll be waiting
for you after the game.
1--Donít get yourself arrested again.
2--Hey, I do what I have to do. Not like Martin. Heís some
sort of Christian robot.
1--He is controlled!
2--No mind of his own.
(both stand and do the wave again)
1--Ya know Ron I hate to say it, but . . .
1--I think Martin is some sort of fanatic!
© 6/96, Walt Scheiman, all rights reserved.
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