By Paul Clark
After Pete hears a sermon on "living as aliens in this world", an alien
turns up who wants to take the scripture literally.
Romans 12:1-2, Ephesians 2:19, 1 Peter 1:13-25, 1 Peter 2:9-12
(Scene: Pete and Steve's flat. Pete is watching TV, eating Tim Tams, waiting
for Steve to come home from Church. Suddenly there is Alien music, flashing
lights and Cyborg enters, dressed as an Alien. Pete isn't phased at all.)
Cyborg: (Music, lights, Cyborg enters very dramatically) Greetings,
Pete: (Pete is unfazed, still watching TV) Hi Steve, I was wondering
when you'd get home from church. I've been home for an hour. What the heck
have you been up to?
Cyborg: (In an Alien voice) Do not call me Steve. I have been Born
Again on this Planet as Cyborg (Alien Salute).
Pete: (Pete looks over at Steve and laughs) What on earth have you
been up to?
Cyborg: Not on earth. I belong to another planet, another kingdom where
the Redeemer reigns supreme (Forms sign of the cross with fingers)
Pete: Oh I get it, this is about the sermon we heard tonight from 1
Peter. 'Live your lives as strangers, as Aliens, on this planet.' Please
- I don't think we were supposed to take things so literally. What did
you say your name was again?
Cyborg: I am Cyborg, I come in Peace.
Pete: Cyborg! (Laughing) What an original name! Sounds like something
from a kid's book. Why didn't you think up a real Alien name like Bgwij
Cyborg: (Starting to feel made fun of) When I was chosen by The Redeemer,
who fought for me and lost his own blood, when I was chosen, I was Born
Again in this new body, an imperishable body and given the new name Cyborg.
Pete: It's not going to work you know. No-one is going to want to become
a Christian because of your sissy space outfit. They're just going to think
you're a weirdo.
Cyborg: I've come to show love to the human race, deep love.
Pete: Sure sure, you'll scare the crap out of everyone.
Cyborg: (Suddenly reacting, fingers in ears) Warning, warning, danger,
danger, swear word, obscene language, must filter from mind.
Pete: What the heck's got into you Steve, all I said was crap!
Cyborg: (Even worse) Help, must stay holy, must stay holy, be pure,
think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.
Pete: Oh I get it, be holy as your Heavenly Father is holy. Bit corny.
(Suddenly realises) Now I really do get it. This is your latest attempt
to get a girl friend (laughing again). It's a bit too 'try hard' don't
you think? As if the girls are going to go for this. Shiny suit, boof head.
I suppose it does take away from what you normally look like (continues
Cyborg: Leave Cyborg alone, I come in peace to love deeply, from the
Pete: That's heart you moron. Of all the flat mates in the world I
had to end up with this one! Here Steve, Cyborg, whatever you want to be
called, have a Tim Tam, sit down and watch the rest of this movie with
Cyborg: (Looking at Tim Tam, hand out defensively) Must not be tempted.
Do not conform to the evil desires of this world. Self control.
Pete: Oh come on Steve, I don't think evil desires of this world stretch
as far as Tim Tams. (Plays with him, flashing the Tim Tam closer and closer,
Cyborg cowers. Eventually get sick of this, throws The Tim Tam at Cyborg
and sits down). I hope if aliens really do come we can scare them off with
Cyborg: (Jumps out of the way of the Tim Tam, regains his composure)
My name is Cyborg, I came in peace to love you deeply, but you have mocked
me ever since I entered this evil planet. Prepare to be hurt ... a lot.
(Puts out his arm in Darth Vader style, strangling him from a distance,
grunts as if really concentrating.)
Pete: (Looking bored, turns to face him) What are you doing now?
Cyborg: I am using the action of my mind to strangle you. (keeps trying,
nothing happens, gives up. Looks downcast)
Pete: Steve I think this little game's gone on long enough. We had
an excellent sermon tonight, and 1 Peter has got a lot in it, But I think
you are taking it just a tad too literally. Look I'll admit, sometimes
I take being a Christian for granted. I get your point, we need to be a
little more radical, a bit more like strangers on this planet, maybe even
Aliens. OK I'll turn this movie off, and I'll go easy on the Tim Tams.
I need to work on my holiness and show more love to people, be more like
Christ. After all we are here today, gone tomorrow. But you must admit
you've gone too far this time, you've gone a little stupid! (Cyborg, who
has been looking downcast, suddenly runs out crying). Fair dinkum, he's
a little sensitive tonight. (Yelling) And take that stupid costume off!
Steve: (Enters) What costume?
Pete: (Surprised) Boy that was quick.
Steve: Man, you should have came to McDonalds with us after the service,
I think I've cracked it with Donna, man, she's a babe (showing a female
figure with his hands)
Pete: (Pete is disgusted and slaps Steve on the hand) That's disgusting
Steve: What's got into you?
Pete: More like what's got into you? What happened about all that holiness
stuff? Pure thoughts, real love, not lust . I knew that suit was just a
Steve: Suit? What suit?
Pete: Your stupid Alien outfit, you know (mimic) Cyborg.
Steve: I don't know what you're talking about. After church me and
the gang went to McDonalds, I've only just got back. You can ring any one
of them to find out.
Pete: (Looking worried) You mean. (Looks around, feels throat, faints).
© Paul Clark 2002. All rights reserved. For use at not for profit
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