Two: What happened??
One: Just … Ouch… Thinking..
Two: Does this happen often?
One: Only when I read the … Ouch… Bible…
Two: You have….
One: Ouch… Brain Cramps.
Two: You have Brain Cramps when you read the Bible!?
One: Yeah.. Ouch…
One: Well, I read… I think… and then.. ouch… Brain Cramp!
Two: Have you ever thought about taking something for it?
One: Advil… Tylenol… Aleve… Bayer…
Two: I wasn’t talk about that…
One: OK… I’m Listening..
Two: Let’s take your problem from the top..
One: All right.
Two: When you read, what do you read?
One: Psalms…. Gospels…. Paul… I kinda jump around..
Two: And what do you do with it?
One: How do you mean?
Two: How does it change you?
One: You’re telling me this stuff is real?
Two: As real as you and I…
One: So… How do I stop the Cramps?
Two: First, you have to open your mind..
One: Sounds very painful… Will I lose anything?
Two: Only the cramps!
One: Excellent.. What’s next?
Two: Do you go to church?
Two: All the time..
One: Excuse Me?
Two: All the time.
One: Heavy! What else?
Two: Last, but certainly, not least… Acceptance.
One: Acceptance of what?
Two: Accept the Bible is God Inspired!!
One: Why? It’s just a book..
Two: If that’s the case, why are you reading it?
One: It’s Great Reading… Serious Fiction..
Two: It’s Great Reading.. Serious Fact!!!
One: You’re telling me that if I open my mind and accept the Bible as God inspired writing, my Brain Cramps will be gone??
Two: Basically, Yes..
One: Ok.. I’m picking up the Bible… (Hums)
Two: What’s the humming for?
One: I have to reach Nirvana…(Hums)
Two: I gonna reach for a 2x4 if you don’t get with the program..
One: I have obtained Nirvana..
Two: I’ve obtained acute indigestion.. Move it along..
One: Opening Bible… Opening Mind.. Deep Cleansing Breath..
Two: This isn’t Lamaze..
One: Who has the cramps?
One: Reading…. Reading… Hey Hey Hey…
Two: What What What?
One: No cramps… YAHOO… And the words…. Too Cool.. I never knew…
Two: Because you didn’t’ want to.. Now your mind is open..
One: Like the fly on your pants.
(Turns around, sound of zipper)
Two: And you are accepting the bible?
One: 110%. Ouch..
Two: Brain Cramp?
One: NO… Low ceiling..
© Michael Humphrey
All rights reserved
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