Two: What happened??
One: Just … Ouch… Thinking..
Two: Does this happen often?
One: Only when I read the … Ouch… Bible…
Two: You have….
One: Ouch… Brain Cramps.
Two: You have Brain Cramps when you read the Bible!?
One: Yeah.. Ouch…
One: Well, I read… I think… and then.. ouch… Brain Cramp!
Two: Have you ever thought about taking something for it?
One: Advil… Tylenol… Aleve… Bayer…
Two: I wasn’t talk about that…
One: OK… I’m Listening..
Two: Let’s take your problem from the top..
One: All right.
Two: When you read, what do you read?
One: Psalms…. Gospels…. Paul… I kinda jump around..
Two: And what do you do with it?
One: How do you mean?
Two: How does it change you?
One: You’re telling me this stuff is real?
Two: As real as you and I…
One: So… How do I stop the Cramps?
Two: First, you have to open your mind..
One: Sounds very painful… Will I lose anything?
Two: Only the cramps!
One: Excellent.. What’s next?
Two: Do you go to church?
Two: All the time..
One: Excuse Me?
Two: All the time.
One: Heavy! What else?
Two: Last, but certainly, not least… Acceptance.
One: Acceptance of what?
Two: Accept the Bible is God Inspired!!
One: Why? It’s just a book..
Two: If that’s the case, why are you reading it?
One: It’s Great Reading… Serious Fiction..
Two: It’s Great Reading.. Serious Fact!!!
One: You’re telling me that if I open my mind and accept the Bible as God inspired writing, my Brain Cramps will be gone??
Two: Basically, Yes..
One: Ok.. I’m picking up the Bible… (Hums)
Two: What’s the humming for?
One: I have to reach Nirvana…(Hums)
Two: I gonna reach for a 2x4 if you don’t get with the program..
One: I have obtained Nirvana..
Two: I’ve obtained acute indigestion.. Move it along..
One: Opening Bible… Opening Mind.. Deep Cleansing Breath..
Two: This isn’t Lamaze..
One: Who has the cramps?
One: Reading…. Reading… Hey Hey Hey…
Two: What What What?
One: No cramps… YAHOO… And the words…. Too Cool.. I never knew…
Two: Because you didn’t’ want to.. Now your mind is open..
One: Like the fly on your pants.
(Turns around, sound of zipper)
Two: And you are accepting the bible?
One: 110%. Ouch..
Two: Brain Cramp?
One: NO… Low ceiling..
© Michael Humphrey
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor
any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: firstname.lastname@example.org