Customer 2: I’m starving - I could eat a horse.
Customer 3: Huh, judging by the look of this place you probably will be eating horse
Waitress: (To Customer 1) There you go then. Enjoy your prayers and have a nice day.
Customer 1 Thanks. Goodbye (takes tray of food and moves off a few paces, kneels down and bows head to pray but very soon stands and walks off - meanwhile action is continuing)
Waitress: Can I take anyone’s order please?
Customer 2: Yes please.
Waitress: Welcome to Prayer Prince, how can I help you?
Customer 2: I’d like a God-bless-mum-burger please.
Waitress: (Turning to yell behind in manner of all burger bar staff) Got any Bless-mum-burgers ready out there Darren? (To customer) Anyfink else?
Customer 3: Yes, I’ll have a large Help-me-with-my-exams with Make-sure-I-get-the-right-questions Dip.
W: Large Exams with Right Questions Dip, right?
C2: That’s right, and a side order of Help-sick-Granddad.
W: Any Bless-Granny to go wiv that?
C2: No thanks.
W (Yelling to rear again) One Sick Granddad on the side, hold the Granny! (To customer) Anyfing to drink?
C2: Yes, please; I’ll have a medium Instant Satisfaction; still - no ice.
W: (Collects food and drink and loads tray) There you go then; one Bless-Mum with Exam-Help, Granddad on the side and medium Instant Satisfaction…
C2: It is still is it - the Satisfaction?
W: (Opening top of drink and peering inside) Yeah, it’s still all right - completely flat. (Recites in a bored voice) Fank you for calling at Prayer Prince and do come again. Have a nice pray! (Calls out) Can I take anyone’s order please?
C2: Can you see an empty table anywhere?
C3: Well, there’s one over there; he’s just got his order and sat down so he’ll be going in a minute….(pause)...There, he’s finished already.
(They both kneel down as if to pray and after a very short interval stand to leave.)
C3: (To C2) That was quite nice, wasn’t it, but, to tell you the truth, I’m still a bit hungry. (Exit)
W: Can I take anyone’s order please?
Waiter: Good evening Sir, Madam. Are you ready to order?
Man: Yes, I think so. Have you decided, Darling?
Woman: I haven’t quite decided on the Entrée, but I can decide as we go along.
Wr: Very good Madam. Would you like anything from the hors d’oeuvres menu? As you can see, Chef has put on an excellent range today. May I recommend the Adoration Surprise, perhaps?
M: Mmm! Sounds good … er … what is it exactly?
Wr: Well Sir, it’s tender appreciation on a bed of awe steeped in worship.
Wm: And what’s the surprise?
Wr: Beg pardon, Madam?
Wm: You said it’s called Adoration Surprise - why the surprise?
Wr:: Ah, I see! Well Madam, the surprise is that so few people try it.
M: Oh, right, I’m with you; well I’ll have that to start, I think.
Wm: Yes, and for me.
Wr: Very good Sir, Madam. And to follow?
M: No problem there, the Confession for me! … er … but it is real isn’t it?
Wr: (Shocked) Oh yes Sir! We only ever use true repentance here.
Wm: I’d like to try that too, but I’m not sure I could manage a whole one on my own. Could I share yours?
M: (Uncertain) Well…yes…I suppose we could share Confession - it says you can in the menu…Waiter?
Wr: Indeed, Sir - a mutual confession is very much recommended by the Proprietor.
Wm: I know what I want for the main course - I’ve been looking forward to it all day: Praise and Thanksgiving with Gratitude!
M: Great idea! And for me too. Well done.
Wr: Thank you Sir, Chef will be pleased.
M: Er… No, I meant the Praise and Thanksgiving - I’d like it well done please.
Wr: I do beg Sir’s pardon. And for dessert?
Wm: Earnest Petitions for me please.
M: And I’ll have the Intercessors’ Delight.
Wr: Excellent choices! Now, anything to drink?
M & Wm: (Together) Water of Life, of course.
(Waiter exits and Man and Woman bow their heads.)
© Trevor Fletcher, all rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: email@example.com