Just a Couple of Questions, Mr. Terminator...'

By Fred Lane

Summary

A reporter stages an impromptu interview with the Terminator, who is finishing the filming of the second Terminator movie, Judgement Day. In this case, the Terminator is not an actor, but plays himself in the movie, and appears to be thoroughly beat up. The interviewer obviously doesn't know the action movie genre well. The interview reveals the real vulnerability of the cyborg terminator.

Characters

Script

(Terminator music plays briefly in darkness, Terminator takes position on center stage in complete darkness as music begins. Back light fades up to silhouette of Terminator, red spot fades up on him. Lights out as music ends; white stage lights up fast; Terminator breaks his stance and relaxes...)

T: (lightly touching the aluminum foil on head) Man, I hope this is the last time I have to run this scene. That new liquid metal terminator dude nearly tore my head off. The mechanics would have a real field day trying to put my head back on.

R: (Entering) Mr. Terminator, Mr. Terminator, can I have a moment of your time...I only have a couple of questions....

T: Great, another reporter...I guess I better get into character...(stands up straight, gets that 'Terminator'look, staring straight ahead)

R: (steps up to T) Mr. Terminator, I'm Roseann Roseanna Danner, reporter with the Science Fiction Digest. Do you have a few moments to answer some questions....?

T:(staring straight ahead, speaks monotone) I am a terminator, Hyperdyne model 101 with a hyperalloy combat chassis, microprocessor controlled, fully armored. I am designed for infiltration, not answering questions.

R:(insistently) ....questions for your FANS?

T:(slowly turns head toward R) For my fans?

R: Yes!

T: Proceed. (looks forward, staring)

R: Okay, great! Ah....(looks in notepad)....how does it feel to be one of the biggest villains today on the big screen?

T: (mechanically) I have no feelings. I am a cyborg, Hyperdyne model 101 with a hyperalloy combat chassis, microprocessor controlled, fully armored.

R: Oookaaaaaay, then....(looks in notepad)....how does it feel to be so powerful, since you are half man and half machine?

T: (mechanically) I have no feelings. I am a cyborg, Hyperdyne model 101 with a hyperalloy combat chassis, microprocessor controlled, fully armored.

R: Right,...I got 'hyper-combat-processor-thingie' part, but what about you? I mean everybody knows your famous line, 'Go ahead, punk; make my day.'

(T slowly turns his head toward R)

T: 'I'll be back'

R: What?

T: 'I'll be back' is my line; 'Make my day' is Clint Eastwood's (returns to staring straight ahead)

R: Whatever. The important thing here is your fans....they want to know if there is a real person under all that skin and metal, or are you just unstoppable machine? (pause with no response) Well, Mr. Terminator?

T: (suddenly becomes very human, talks normal, turning partially to face R, and is somewhat confrontational) So, you think that my fans really want to know about the 'real me', huh?

R: (startled by this new behavior, backs up a step or two) Ah....well....yes, I do....

T: (complaining, moves around stage gesturing) Alright, write this down....my back feels like I was run over by a truck, and my head feels like, well, like it was run over by a truck! (Points to aluminum foil) How would you feel if your head looked like this!

R: I guess I never thought about it.

T: No doubt! This movie making business looks like great fun until you have to do your own stunts. Who do you think does mine? How many Terminators do you think would put up with this?! (holds his back and arches as if to stretch it) Sometimes I feel like I should just give up.

R: I don't know what to say...I just thought that someone as invincible and powerful as 'The Terminator' would...well... you know...

T: Yeah...would never show weakness. That why I didn't want to show you the 'real me'...and I'll bet my 'fans' really want to know only the strong terminator.

R: (sheepishly) You're.... probably.... right. (pause as T returns to 'Terminator' pose)

R: Thank you Mr Terminator for your time. I'm sure your fans will appreciate this interview.

T: (monotone, mechanical, staring straight ahead) No problema.

(R slowly walks away, pausing once or twice to look back at the terminator; as she begins to walk, stage lights fade out leaving only his silhouette; music fade up as stage lights fade out)

(All lights fade out as music fades out, T leaves stage when stage is completely dark)

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© Fred Lane, Crosswind Community Church, All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: crosswindonline@cox.net